The Saturday Scalpel: Issue 17

From the Desk of Dr. Kevin, MD

“If inflammation had a voice, it’d be your ex texting ‘just checking in’ - unwanted, recurring, and guaranteed to ruin your day.”

Heyo Scalpheads, 

This is Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD. Let’s boogie:

• 🔥 Why the f*ck inflammation keeps dragging you into messes

• 🧐 Gut flare-ups, sugar sabotage, old injuries, and the worst oils you'll find in "healthy" food

• 🧭 Cancer’s GPS

Chronic inflammation = B*tch! 😒

*sniff sniff* You smell that?

Your body’s dead pissed.

No, seriously… right now, somewhere deep inside your gut, joints, brain, or arteries, there’s a silent fire burning… and your immune system’s tossing gasoline on it.

That’s inflammation. 

Normally, it’s helpful. 

A little inflammation is like that designated driver who shows up, fixes the problem, and takes you home. 

Chronic inflammation? That’s the guy who pees in your houseplants and sleeps on your couch for 3 years. (Max thinks of me this way…)

But, let’s dive into what’s setting your insides ablaze, and more importantly, how to snuff it out.

The Real Arsonist: You 😱 

Inflammation is your immune system’s rabid dog. 

Instead of just fighting invaders, it goes full Game of Thrones on everything.

Tissues, organs, nerves… nothing is safe.

Ever heard of a cytokine storm? That’s when your immune system decides to drown your lungs in its own chemical warfare. 

And guess what doctors use to calm it down? Prednisone… a synthetic version of cortisol, your body’s natural anti-inflammatory hormone. (We’ll come back to this hormonal chaos soon.) 

Also: every autoimmune disease? Inflammation’s evil lovechild. Rheumatoid arthritis, Crohn’s, lupus, even alopecia (yes, hair loss). 

The common thread? Your body attacking itself like it got hacked by a rogue antibody.

Old injury? Still inflamed. 

Stubbed toe in 2012? Probably still angry. 

Stiff joints? That’s not age… it’s chronic fire.

And Get This. Humira (world’s best-selling drug)? It cures f*cking nothing. 

It’s just inflammation’s bouncer.

Inflammatory Oncotaxis (Think: Cancer’s Google Maps)

Here’s the creepy part: cancer cells are lazy bastards. 

They like to move into inflamed neighborhoods… especially ones with past trauma. It’s called inflammatory oncotaxis.

Old knee injury? Inflammation hotspot. 

Gut irritated by your “cheat day” pizza rolls? Same deal. 

These inflammation zones become cancer’s version of Airbnb listings:

“Chronic swelling, good vascular access, immune dysfunction = perfect for tumor development!”

Inflammation doesn’t just make you feel like crap. 

It makes you a prime target for the worst stuff out there.

Why Your Cortisol Is Useless (...especially when you need it the most.)

Cortisol is the body’s natural firefighter. 

But just like insulin, you can become resistant to it.

Too much stress = too much cortisol = your cells start ignoring it. Like when I hijack Max’s contents every time… he just used to it.

High cortisol = low effect = body still inflamed = miserable you.

Fun twist? 

You can feel deficient in cortisol while your blood is full of it. That’s hormonal gaslighting.

This is why your “-itis” (tendonitis, arthritis, bursitis, etc.) doesn’t heal. 

It’s not because you need more rest. 

It’s because your hormonal bouncers are asleep on the job.

But here’s where it gets fun.

If your body's on fire and your cortisol isn’t answering the 911 call, there’s something else that might actually help…

Hydrogen water.

Yeah, I know. Sounds like the kind of overpriced nonsense your local yoga mom would whisper about at Whole Foods.

But turns out, this one’s got actual science behind it.

A 2013 study in Medical Gas Research (yes, that's a real journal, not a fart joke) showed that molecular hydrogen can reduce chronic inflammation and oxidative stress in the body- especially in people with metabolic syndrome and lifestyle-induced diseases.

WTF does it mean? It fights the kind of inflammation you and I probably have right now.

Plus, no side effects.

Just good ol’ H₂ molecules doing God’s anti-inflammatory work.

Also - for those who might ask - my favorite hydrogen water flask is called Echo Water.

Food, Glucose, and the Great Gut Fire

Now, let’s talk sabotage:

 • Glucose is napalm for your arteries.

 • Seed oils (canola, soy, corn) are liquid accelerants.

 • Antibiotics kill the gut bacteria that would’ve helped put out the flames. (More on gut bacteria next week… spoiler: they are the plot twist of this sh*tshow!) 

 • Constipation turns your colon into a backed-up sewer of chemical warfare.

Eat crap? Get inflammation. 

Don’t poop? Get inflammation. 

Eat 17 “healthy” snacks a day? Get insulin spikes… and yep, inflammation.

Gut’s inflamed? Then welcome to leaky gut, which leads to allergies, autoimmune flares, nutrient malabsorption, and enough bloating to impersonate a third trimester.

No it doesn’t happen overnight! 

And of course, I got you covered on a gut remedy!

Cabbage. Fermented or raw. 

Plus zinc l-carnosine… not sexy, but it works.

Fat Cells and Frequent Feeding = 🔥🔥🔥

Your fat doesn’t just sit there looking squishy. 

It releases cytokines, aka little inflammatory landmines.

And if you’re eating all the time, even “clean” stuff, you’re triggering insulin non-stop. 

That’s like tossing logs into a fireplace that never cools down. chefs kiss

So yeah - frequent eating = frequent inflammation. Your “six small meals” plan? Set it on fire.

Solutions You Can Actually Use:

Vitamin D3 + K2: This duo is cortisol’s cleaner cousin. 10,000 to 20,000 IU of D3 daily (and 100–200 mcg of K2) is your anti-inflammatory shield.

Low Carb + Fasting: Intermittent fasting slaps inflammation like it owes you money. Combine with keto, and it’s chef’s kiss.

Hydrogen Water: Yep, molecular hydrogen can help cool the fire. A 2013 study showed this bubble-water reduces inflammatory markers in chronic illness patients.

If You’re Not Iron Deficient, Avoid Iron Overload: Stop cooking in cast iron, and check those “fortified” cereals. Yes, you can pick them up with a magnet.

Ditch the seed oils: They’re basically edible WD-40 for your arteries. Replace with olive oil or avocado oil (good avocado oil—more on that in another memo).

Support your bile: Right-sided pain? Gallbladder drama? Try purified bile salts or TUDCA.

Fix your omega balance: Eat more fatty fish, less deep-fried bullshit.

Alright, Scalp Squad… that’s your memo for today.

Do something uncomfortable. Like skipping that mid-afternoon doritos. Or not eating until your next actual meal.

Or drink some hydrogen water for your inflammation.

See you in your gut.

Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD (Chronically Fancy As F*ck!)

P.P.S. What did you think of today’s edition?

References:

• ^{Hydrogen Water & Inflammation
  Study: “Effects of molecular hydrogen on chronic inflammatory disease”
  Journal: Medical Gas Research (2013)
  PMID: 23730404}

• ^{Vitamin D as an Anti-Inflammatory Agent
  Study: “Vitamin D and inflammation: potential implications for severity of COVID-19”
  Journal: Frontiers in Immunology (2020)
  PMID: 32793134}

• ^{Cortisol Resistance in Chronic Stress
  Study: “Chronic stress, glucocorticoid receptor resistance, inflammation, and disease risk”
  Journal: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (2012)
  PMID: 22529368}

• ^{Inflammation-Induced Carcinogenesis (Inflammatory Oncotaxis)
  Study: “Inflammation and cancer: back to Virchow?”
  Journal: The Lancet (2001)
  PMID: 11712083}

• ^{Omega-6 to Omega-3 Fatty Acid Ratio and Inflammation
  Study: “Omega-6/omega-3 fatty acid ratio and chronic diseases: a review”
  Journal: Food & Function (2011)
  PMID: 21615210}

• ^{Gut Inflammation & Leaky Gut
  Study: “Intestinal barrier function: molecular regulation and disease pathogenesis”
  Journal: The Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology (2012)
  PMID: 22985613}

• ^{Fasting & Immune Modulation
  Study: “Fasting-mimicking diet modulates microbiota and promotes intestinal regeneration to reduce inflammatory bowel disease pathology”
  Journal: Cell Reports (2019)
  PMID: 30930172}