From the desk of Dr. Kevin, MD
“Staying healthy isn’t hard. It’s misunderstood as f*ck.”
Hey. It’s Kevin Cutthebull, MD, and you’re reading The Saturday Scalpel.
Alright, brace your arteries.
Because the most dangerous ingredient in your kitchen isn’t sugar, seed oils, or that half-eaten donut glaring at you from the counter.
(I know you’re surprised - you should be!)
No.
It’s a sneaky little bastard, a chemical that doesn’t even appear on the label.
You can’t see it, smell it, or pronounce it.
… so why the f*ck should I care, Kevin??
Because your body sure as hell notices it.
It’s called acrylamide, and it’s the uninvited guest that shows up whenever you heat junk food to hell.
Let’s slice this up step by step before you start panic-toasting your sourdough.
Step 1: Meet the Chemical Nobody Invited
Acrylamide is a carcinogenic neurotoxin. (aka: it fries your brain and gently whispers cancer into your organs.)
It’s not an ingredient; it’s a byproduct.
Formed when refined sugars (like glucose syrup, maltodextrin, or high-fructose corn syrup) get freaky with proteins under high heat (above 285°F / 120°C).
The nerds call this the Maillard reaction, the same one that gives fries their golden color, toast its crunch, and your lifespan a countdown timer (er, hooray?).
Step 2: Where It Hides
You’ll find acrylamide in:
French fries
Potato chips
Breakfast cereals
Crackers
Cookies
Bread crust
Coffee (yep, sorry Max!)
Basically, if it’s golden, crispy, or tastes like nostalgia, it probably wants you dead (love that).
And here’s the f*cked up news: 40% of all foods contain acrylamide.
So unless you’re living on raw kale and tears, you’ve eaten it.
Step 3: The Plot Twist: Fat Saves the Day
Once upon a time, McDonald’s fried fries in beef tallow (saturated fat).
Result? No acrylamide (Whaaaat?!).
Then came the 90s, cue the Seed Oil Apocalypse.
When they switched to canola and soybean oil, acrylamide gate-crashed the party.
Saturated fats like tallow, coconut oil, or butter don’t allow acrylamide to form.
So next time someone tells you butter’s bad, tell them Kevin said, “STFU, it’s literally saving your neurons.”
Step 4: How to Avoid It Without Becoming a Sad Salad Hermit
Cook slower and lower. Surprise, surprise: Acrylamide forms at high temps, so roast, don’t incinerate.
Use natural sugars. Honey and cane sugar don’t trigger this toxic tango.
Eat Whole Foods. The fewer “modified starches” you see, the better.
Pair your sins with saints. Broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts, garlic, vitamin-C foods (lemons, peppers, sauerkraut), spirulina, and green tea help neutralize acrylamide. (I hate all good things taste kinda like poop too…)
Drink dark roast coffee. The darker the roast, the less acrylamide. Light roast? Ten times worse.
Step 5: The Grim Reality
Half of an adult’s calories come from ultra-processed foods. Kids? Even worse.
And the #2 cause of death worldwide is cancer. You do the math.
Acrylamide is one of those invisible villains you’ll never see on a label, but it’s quietly cooking your cells while you’re busy counting calories.
So, next time you reach for those fries, ask yourself, “Do I want comfort or cognitive decline?” (I won’t judge you if you choose the latter, I do it too - occasionally!)
TL;DR:
Stay below 285°F.
Ditch the seed oils.
Worship your butter. (Not as a snack!)
And for the love of neurons, stop eating beige food that crunches.
Now go make yourself a steak cooked in butter and tell cancer to go fry itself. (Max made me tell this joke. I’d never do it willingly.)
Alright, now it’s your turn to yap. What food dropped your jaw the hardest?
Reply to this email, let me know…
Until next Saturday,
Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD (Mostly Deranged)
Your friendly neighborhood neurotoxin slayer
P.S. I want to make these memos perfect for you, so tell me, what did you think of today’s edition?
