“Shut up, Max!”

Hey Scalpelheads, Kevin here, and you’re reading The Saturday Scalpel.

You can’t find this info anywhere without triggering a suicide prevention banner.

So use the info below to stay safe, and don’t get any ideas from it. 😑

Pheew!

Now that we got the disclaimer in order…

You think you’re “eating clean”? Cute.

Let’s talk about seven innocent-looking foods that could literally murder you in 4K.

Grab a snack… preferably not one of these.

See that green tint? That’s solanine, a nerve toxin designed by Mother Nature to keep pests -and you- away.

Eat enough and you’ll get nausea, bleeding, and the kind of paralysis that makes you re-live your infancy.

Action point: Cut off the green parts or skip potatoes altogether. Keto folks, congratulations… you finally won something.

That cozy spice in your holiday latte? It’s packing myristicin, which can cause fever, hallucinations, and “Nutmeg Psychosis.”

At small doses, it gives you dizziness and fever. Around 7 grams, your brain turns into a carnival ride you didn’t buy tickets for = an unapproved psychedelic trip.

Action point: A sprinkle is fine. A spoonful is a cry for help.

You know what else is “natural”? Volcanoes and snake venom.

Raw bitter almonds and unprocessed cashews contain cyanide, which prevents your cells from using oxygen.

Even small amounts can cause confusion, headaches, and convulsions. Large doses? Lights out.

Action point: Eat roasted or sweet almonds. Leave the bitter ones to history books and villains.

Undercooked red kidney beans contain PHA, a toxin that turns your red blood cells into clumpy Jell-O.

People think slow cookers are “healthy”… they’re actually slow killers if you’re lazy with beans.

Action point: Soak at least 5 hours, then boil 30 minutes. No shortcuts, Chef Deathwish.

Your “clean-eating” brown rice might be delivering a micro-dose of arsenic… leftovers from old pesticides.

Chronic exposure can cause heart disease, bladder cancer, and horizontal white lines on your nails… your body’s way of saying “stop eating dirt.”

Action point: Rotate grains, buy organic, and maybe stop worshiping rice like it’s quinoa’s cooler cousin.

That rare burger you brag about? It could be marinated in E. coli.

This bacteria loves hanging out in cow intestines and occasionally in your kidneys.

Action point: Buy high-quality beef. Cook it till it stops mooing.

Cherry pits contain hydrogen cyanide. One pit from certain cherries has enough to mess up your nervous system.

Yes, I know you don’t normally eat the pits—until you accidentally do.

Action point: Spit them out. Always.

Nature is a chaotic motherf*****.

She gives us kale, then hides nerve toxins in potatoes.

So next time someone says “it’s all natural,” remind them so is cyanide.

Stay alive out there…

Alright, now it’s your turn to yap. Which one dropped your jaw the hardest?

Reply to this email, let me know… 

Until next Saturday,

Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD (Mostly Deranged)
Your friendly neighborhood neurotoxin slayer

P.S. I want to make these memos perfect for you, so tell me, what did you think of today’s edition?