The Saturday Scalpel: Issue 19

From the Desk of Dr. Kevin, MD

"Tried meditation once. Ended up making a grocery list, mentally arguing with Sydney Sweeney, and crying about avocados. 10/10 would recommend."

Hello, My Beautiful Scalpheads.

This is The Saturday Scalpel, Kevin here, your favorite doctor who treats your health facts like a no BS speed dating round - fast, non-boring, and to the point.

Here’s what we cooked for you today:

• Dissecting Your Tap Water 🚰

• The Hormone-Hijacking List In Your Tap Water 🚱

• How To Fix It? (No, it’s not what you think!) ✅

Let’s rip the bandage off:

Your tap water is probably messing with your hormones, wrecking your energy, fogging your brain, and giving your skin the personality of a burnt tortilla.

I don’t want to alarm you, but I also absolutely want to alarm you.

1/ What’s Actually in Your Tap?

You know those “clean water treatment plants”?

Yeah, they add chemicals to “clean” your water. And then those chemicals break down into new chemicals.

They are called disinfection byproducts (DBPs).

DBPs jack up your estrogen, confuse your ovaries, and invite hormonal sh**show like it’s spring break in your bloodstream.

And guess what? That’s the best-case scenario…

2/ The Hormone-Hijacking Hitlist

Let’s play:

"What’s destroying your endocrine system today?"

• Destroyer #1: Fluoride – Yes, that “good for your teeth” fairy dust? Turns out it can wreck your thyroid, even at normal levels.
  → That means fatigue, mood crashes, slow metabolism, and hormonal face-meltdowns.

• Destroyer #2: DBPs – These little bastards have been linked to ovarian dysfunction, reduced sperm quality, and fertility issues in both men and women. Erotic, isn’t it? 😑

• Destroyer #3: Heavy metals & plastics – Ever wanted to taste pipe residue or micropenis-causing BPA? You’re in luck.

“But Dr. Kevin… I feel fine!” 😑

Of course you do. So did everyone in Chernobyl for a couple hours.

The truth is, many of these issues brew silently:
🚨 Low thyroid function.
🚨 Adrenal fatigue.
🚨 Dry, inflamed skin.
🚨 Hormone imbalances.
🚨 Brain fog that makes you Google “Am I dying or just dehydrated?”

If you’re bloated, breaking out, can’t sleep, or hate everyone before 11 a.m…. your tap might be part of the plot.

Skin & Gut, Too?

Oh, abso-f***ing-lutely!

Your faucet water isn't just plotting against your hormones… it's coming for your glow and your gut.

💄 What about Skin Barrier? (More like Skin Surrender…)

Some of these idiot disinfection byproducts (aka DBPs) and pH shifts can mess with your skin’s defenses like a drunk toddler with a Sharpie. (Kids are the only reason I didn’t become a pediatrician…😒)

Result? Dryness, irritation, and the dewy glow of a stressed-out lizard.

🦠 Gut Bacteria? Toasted.

Animal studies suggest chlorine byproducts may nuke your gut microbes.

That’s your bloat, digestion, and inflammation response… all getting sucker-punched by the water you sip.

And if your tap is running low on magnesium and calcium? Congrats.

You’re chugging acidic water that may quietly wreck your gut lining and crank up oxidative stress.

Hydration with a side of inflammation… just how the government likes it. 😒

What Does Actual Science Say? (Not TikTok Vibes.)

• A 2020 review literally titled “Endocrine Disruptors in Water and Their Effects on the Reproductive System” confirms DBPs can mess with ovaries, sperm, and implantation.

• A 2018 case-control study showed that even 0.5 mg/L of fluoride (aka “standard” level) suppressed TSH and T3. That’s your thyroid. That’s your energy. That’s your life force, Karen.

3/ So, WTF Do I Do?

Glad you asked. I like solutions.

✅ Best Fix (without selling your kidney):

• Get a water filter that actually removes fluoride + DBPs
  → Berkey, Clearly Filtered, or any NSF-certified unit.
  → No, your Brita isn’t invited to this conversation. It’s about as useful as cucumbers on a migraine.

• Drink Hydrogen Water to reduce your inflammation too.

💸 Budget Girl Special:

• Can’t afford a fancy filter? No worries, I got you:

  1. Pour your tap water into a glass jug

  2. Let it sit uncapped for 24 hours

  3. Pour out the top half into another jug and use that

  4. Will it fix everything? No. But it’s better than chugging pipe juice straight from the faucet.

😵‍💫 Whole-House Filtration?

• If you’ve got the cash, treat your house like a toxic bachelor and detox the whole damn thing.These systems are pricey ($2K+), but your liver will thank you.

Alright Scalpelheads…

You survived another round of my unfiltered brain dump… congrats, your neurons are now 12% sexier.

(Am I surprised you loved it? Not at all. Genius doesn’t just speak, it warps spacetime. I simply agree with myself.)

Until next week, protect your gut, babysit your hormones, and keep your skin glowing like you didn’t just drink three glasses of tap water flavored with municipal regrets.

Stay sharp, stay sexy,
Dr. Kevin Cutthebull, MD

Memos You Loved The Most

• Eye-saving protocol

• Gut Check Special Memo

• Moo to Poo: Why Making Farm Noises Might Save Your Colo

SCALPEL PICKS 🌴

• You may have constipation, and it’s silently sh**ing on your lifestyle. Check your gut online and find out. (Free)

• This is the only constipation bundle you need. (Not Free! 😑)

• Access to The Forbidden Files (Free)

P.S. What did you think of today’s edition?